...and repeat

le 21 Septembre 2006

At night we only drink milk.

In El Qidiya this is common, and though we have no cow, the old man next door brings us a bowl each night, filled to the brim with warm white. Sometimes there are flies, also, floating dead on its surface or other sundry particles. These we try to avoid.

In El Qidiya, there is a surfeit of stones –they build from them the houses and the walls, they sit in giant abandoned piles, left from broken down buildings, they are rough and brittle and stark – it looks more than a little like Mars.

I've been here for two weeks, and in some ways the days drag, in others, they fly. The day itself is foreshortened by heat. It's like a third of a day. Every morning I go out with an errand; I plan it. I need to plan everything. I need to write everything down. Every interaction, even the good ones, is exhausting; I miss the children.

White moor culture is not the same, M'Beidia was different. The hospitality of Black Africans is more genuine, at least it's easier to apprehend, and translates, despite the cultural obligation to appear gracious, as somewhat earnest. Hospitality here in the highly Arabacized culture of the North feels more obligatory. They seem more suspicious of outsiders, their stares are cold. I suppose in this setting the word 'hospitality' comes to resemble the word 'tolerance'.

….But then there's the milk.

It's true, there are the people who won't rent to me because I'm a foreigner/non-Muslim/who knows?, the long bearded old men who won't greet me, the limp, half-hearted handshakes and the barely contained dislike, and the women who cover their entire faces when I come around (I hate this, but I'm getting used to it. Plus, it's like 'get over yourself, grandma!')

But many people aren't such bitches: they grip my hand and say 'ehlen' or 'marihaba' (expressions of welcome), and from their eyes, which glint with the berber-rimmed blue, I can tell they mean it. There is Ahmed, a mason who laughs at my language (he is stout and laughs loudly, he has a metal molar). I call him 'not nice', but not seriously; he can not pronounce my name. Ditto for everyone. Also, most people smile when I pick on them, and compare so-and-so to a monkey, and ask about the weather, and haggle: (" 500 Ougiyas is not a good price. Why 500? I thought you were my friend…..") Everyone gets a kick out of me pulling some arcane Hassaniya from the lexicon. They say I speak Hassaniya very well. (I do, btw).

Sometimes milk, too, in the morning from Hassan, the goofy 18 year old, barely mustachioed, son of the PTO president, or another. They bring them in bowls, like the plain, brushed metal ones of nesting sizes, which we used to use for cooking. Some of the bowls are enameled with pretty little flowers on them. They are all of poor quality. The milk I drink right away, gulping the foamy white freshness under the stars, in my white, dress-like nightgown (I feel like a baby) I return the bowl. The shniin or zriig (sweetened or unsweetened fermented milk with water) I pour from their bowl into one of mine, so that later I can dump it out inconspicuously. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the stuff, and I'll drink anything down without flinching when I'm a guest at someone's house. There's just only so much curdled (in an old goatskin), sour (chunky), and basically rotten milk I can drink in 110 degree heat.

Anyway, I'm resisting the temptation to be frustrated with the silly and arrogant ignorance and tribal instincts that are common to all the peoples of the world (not just here), and to keep a vigilantly open mind, and constantly remember that no matter how much I think I know, I know nothing. The people here are possibly not less kind than those in the South, but their affections, perhaps, are more reserved and closed-off, they are slower to come. In fact, they are stoic, and might only come to foreigners with time.

But stoicism I can dig, and I've got nothing but time.