Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Trio

Dear nice boys,

Apparently this is turning into a photo blog. But you know what they say about pictures.......that even one of them is preferable to hearing me intone about something which, by its very nature, is incommunicable. Anyway.

This is Mohamed Lamine, in triplicate.

-Colt

Mo LamineA


Mo Lamine B


Mo Lamine C

Sunday, August 10, 2008

an unctuous individual babbling

Hello fragile readers,

There has been a coup. As in d'état.

Okay, so this was like four days ago, so obviously I'm still entirely and wholly alive.

Much like the coup three years ago (freakishly to the, almost, day), it is utterly Mauritanian in style and this means that it is, among other less good things, non-violent. So I'm completely fine, and everyone I know is completely fine, and it's about as boring as a drive through Nebraska.

Having said that, I just thought I would give you a bit of news, just so that we, you know, can feel dramatic and international all together. Let's go....


the guardian says this:

Mauritania's president deposed in coup

President of impoverished west African nation detained in revolt led by former chief of official guard

The president of Mauritania was today deposed in a coup led by the former chief of his official guard, who appointed himself the head of a junta ruling the west African nation.
Troops seized Sidi Mohamed Ould Cheikh Abdallahi, who became Mauritania's first democratically elected leader last year, after he announced the dismissal of four generals, one of them the coup leader, General Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz.
A brief announcement, read out on state television several hours after the president was detained, said Abdel Aziz would head a new "state council" to govern the former French colony, that recently became Africa's newest oil-producing nation.
A copy of the announcement on the state-run L'Agence Mauritienne d'Information website also said that this morning's decree by the "former president" sacking Abdel Aziz and the other generals had been annulled.
Mauritania has suffered several coups since gaining independence at the end of 1960.
The last one, in 2005 – also led by Abdel Aziz - toppled the long-serving president, Maaouya Ould Sid'Ahmed Taya, who himself taken power in a coup in 1984. Abdallahi took power after the military regime allowed elections.
Today's coup was swiftly condemned by both the African Union and EU, the latter group saying that it put a question mark over more than £120m of planned European aid for the country.
The US state department also expressed its concern. "This was a democratically elected, constitutional government and we condemn the act," Gonzalo Gallegos, a spokesman, told reporters.
Today the new junta did not specify why they had ousted the president. According to some reports Abdallahi had angered elements in the military by opening talks with Islamist hardliners accused of having links with al-Qaida-affiliated groups.
Last year, separate attacks blamed on Islamist militants targeted the Israeli embassy in Nouakchott and killed four French tourists.
Today's coup appeared largely bloodless. Soldiers were sent out onto the streets of the capital and staff were ordered out of the state TV and radio stations but there were no reports of fighting.
The president's daughter, Amal Mint Cheikh Abdallahi, told French radio that troops arrived at the presidential palace shortly before 9.30am local time (1030 BST).
"The president has just been arrested by a commando, who came to fetch him, arrested him here and took him away," she told RFI radio. "This is a real coup d'etat."
Mauritania has been in the throes of a political crisis in recent weeks. On Monday, almost 50 MPs quit the ruling party following a vote of no confidence in the government.
The immediate catalyst for the coup appears to have been Abdallahi's decree today sacking Abdel Aziz and the three other generals. It was not clear, however, if the dismissals were themselves prompted by reports that the men were plotting to remove the president.
Mauritania became Africa's newest oil-producing country after offshore fields began operating in 2006.
The largely desert nation borders Algeria to the north and Mali and Senegal to the south and east.
Despite hopes of prosperity from the country's still mainly unexploited reserves of oil and gas, it remains desperately poor and imports more than 70% of its food.
It also faces pressure from international human rights groups to eliminate slavery, which they say remains widespread despite being outlawed in 1981.
It was only last year that Mauritania's parliament voted through a law penalising slavery with jail terms of up to 10 years. Some groups estimate that up to 20% of the country's 3 million-strong population are slaves.


There is of course much more recent news in addition to this, but you'll have to find that out for yourselves.

Love,

-C

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Holy See, too

Greetings from an airconditioned office,

Yes it's true, I've become reacquainted with that lovable modern entity.
I'm stalling for time, so here are some more photos.

forever yours,

-C

This is adorable Dahan, who is not polynesian, though he looks it, and is one the most strange amalgams of an incredibly decent human being with a close minded zealot.


This is Mahmoudy's hand/back of head while sleeping, but you knew that already.


This is my neighbor Hassan, who almost never bathes, with my radio.

Cheikh and Aziz

The writing on the wall, (ha ha), which actually says, in 3rd grader style arabic, Cheikh Ahmed, which is my name. People are always writing on my walls....gotta put a stop to that.

This is the door to a barber shop in Tijikja (closed, this is mid-day) with weird, Egyptian-esque drawings of people.

This is a portrait of a man. Simple as that.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

The Holy See

Dear Misfits,

Hi there, just wanted to post a few photos of my trip to Mali, while you all breathlessly await new editions of my tiresome, churchly prose.....

These photos are very lackluster, but Mali is not. Make no mistake.

I'm here in Nouakchott, having finally installed myself in what I hope are temporarily permanent digs after carting around all of my earthly belongings in a backpack, a plastic sack and a bucket for the month and change since I've left El Qidiya.

Okay, think of me fondly.

yours, Coltie

This is the man who was selling cigarettes, and/or other things, beside the coffee men.

This is my perennially ugly mug standing in front of that photographer's darling, the mud mosque at Djenne.

These are little bottles of gas, called essence in french, which I think is funny-ish, and which people buy only in tiny bits like this, as they have the money to do so.

This is the frenetically busy port at Mopti on the Niger.

This is a Dogon granary, an example of their brand of mud architecture, which everyone pressures you to feel impressed by, but which is actually quite lovely anyhow.

This is a little pastoral scene, at Bandiagara, at the head of the road towards Sangha and Dogon.

This is a little boy's picture at Banani, Dogon, which I quite literally stole (I didn't pay him for it)by snapping the photo inconspicuously as I passed. Whatever.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

No place

The other day Yusef came over.

We're in Tijikja now, so he's no longer my neighbor. He lives with his aunt and young cousins in a little run-of-the-mill house, over in an outlying section of town called Arguub.  Arguub means ‘tendon’ which I thought was a weird name for a neighborhood, until someone explained to me (demonstrating) that it meant, specifically, ‘Achilles tendon’, - the one that connects the heel to the leg- and then I decided that this was even weirder.

Before he came over, he called me to let me know he was coming. Last month, I bought him a used (okay, probably stolen but don’t judge me) telephone from Nouakchott. Ahead of time I put out a casual smattering of magazines on the table (we just got a table! This is literally the best thing in my life right now). I displayed them, nonchalantly, as though they had accumulated by chance, just in case the conversation sagged (it’s good to have a back-up plan). But in reality I had to cull the magazines scrupulously to make them Mauritanian-appropriate, ensuring that they weren't peppered with scandalous pages of feckless American hussies.

Okay, just kidding. But seriously, not every magazine that arrives in the care packages make the cut -no ‘People’, no ‘Us Weekly’ and definitely no 'Stuff' magazine (look it up). That leaves us basically with, like, The Economist and Worldview, the mind-numbing Peace Corps quarterly, neither of which are replete with pictures (he can’t read English of course) so sometimes I just throw in the hoochy magazines and figure it will be good for him – builds character.

Nine months ago, Yusef came to Tijikja to live with his aunt’s family, and study for the bac or college entrance exam. It's today, in fact. He finished school two years ago (he’s 24) although he is allowed to continue attending, like any other student, for some reason I don't entirely understand, but which I think has something to do with "connections".

He’s already taken the bac three times, and failed each one. And I don't think he'll pass the one this afternoon, either. This feels like an awful thing to say - a betrayal- but I think it’s the truth. This is not because he’s stupid. He’s not. He is, in fact, rather smart. It’s because education in El Qidiya is a tremendously un-funny joke, and because the situation in Mauritania generally is hardly any better.

What's more, I have, at best, limited faith in the integrity of the bac as a legitimate exam. Take this: frequently, young people that I tutor informally in English will bring me copies of the English sections of past bacs. Almost always, they are riddled with careless, amateurish errors, or filled with arcane phrases and tortured wording, which any native, or even competent, English speaker could have plucked out in 30 seconds. Seriously Ministry of Education? You couldn’t find one native speaker to proofread the national college entrance exam?!

English portions of the test take the form of text paragraphs and subsequent analysis questions, but the topics of the texts are apparently chosen by aliens. Two that come immediately to mind, were, respectively, about "Neuroscience", and "Cryogenics".

Okay, hold up. These are students that live in a poor desert nation, often under a tent, surrounded by animals. The majority of them have never seen a computer, never been inside a modern hospital, and most likely they have never constructed even the most basic sentence in English. Now you’re giving them texts filled with words like "synapses" and "liquid nitrogen"? Talk about a testing syllabus, and an entire government agency, divorced from reality.

This is to say nothing of all the shiny new (paperback) textbooks, recently put out by the Ministry of Education, filled with colorful animations, and cartoon-ish, laser-printed characters, that are written entirely in French, a language most of the students I see carrying them cannot read! This is akin to me trying to learn science through a book done entirely in Spanish. No matter how well the material is presented, I’m still just going to use it as kindling.

Anyway, Yusef misses his family terribly, in a heartbreakingly unabashed way. His experiment here in Tijikja, (which, btw is about four, grueling, off-road hours away from the village), is his first extended stay away from his family and his home in his entire life. Again, he is 24. He has never been to Nouakchott, not even once, and it's hard to explain how significant that is to someone who doesn't live in this country. Nouakchott is the only place in the nation that even approaches modern Western civilization, and it doesn't even approach it closely at all. Like, binoculars recommended.

Yusef doesn't have any photographs of the people he left back home because he doesn't own a camera. Over the years, his family has accumulated an arbitrary rainbow of snapshots of loved ones and relations (including one of me), but these are kept inside the house in a cheap plastic photo album to be brought out and perused only sporadically.

But I have pictures. Before I left El Qidiya, I tried, with limited success to snap un-awful photos of those people I wanted to remember. I assure you, this does not refer to everyone, but it most certainly includes all of his family, his mother, his sisters, most of his friends. I hooked up my snazzy, decadent digital camera to Ellie's computer and we had a little show right then and there, like a traveling theater.

As the photos came up, he got that surprised, big smile on his face, like the one a baby gets when you tickle it, the one only he can make, and then he put his head down a bit, and looked away a little and laughed, his mouth wide, and covered his mouth with his hand.

Yusef is one of the sweetest people I have probably ever known, in a sense. It was really very touching, and funny and sad to be witness to such an obvious, unstudied display of emotion, which is something I'm quite sure I've never expressed in my life, unless it was in anger. I showed him how to peruse the pictures - I thought that the left and right arrow buttons on the keyboard were something he could handle - and I went to make us some tiny, sweet glasses of tea, like the good Mauritanian I have so painstakingly become. 

Monday, July 21, 2008

I miss you when wheels turn

This was written about a week ago. Many many things to write about Mali, and they are going to come, when and if they come at all, in non-chronological order. Sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes, but this was done quickly, and my brain has holes in it.


I'm in Segou.

Segou is an elegant, quiet, too-dignified to be threatening town (despite being the ancient center of the Bambara empire) on the banks of the Niger River. Yesterday I arrived after four hours curled on a foul bus seat, brown and soaked with grime and the old sweat of legions of previous occupants (sorry, that's gross), the air inside the miasma that is the only logical result of clusters of humans, being in spaces which frequently approach or exceed our own body temperatures.

On the way, during one of an almost endless series of stops, I ate 3 small bananas and two bars of a sort of thin, sesame seed wafer, conglomerated by honey and perhaps other things, which was impossibly good, much better than anything sold from the top of a little girl's braided head has any right to be.

Otherwise, I mostly slept in a sweaty doze of half consciousness listening to, among other things, Soulajboi (forgive me) in my earphones, oddly juxtaposed with the staticky Malian music videos, B movie quality, playing on the one lone tv screen, with their highly stylised, almost kabuki-like gestures expressing emotions which I, not speaking Bambara - much less the siren-shrill nasal variety which singers use-, could only guess at. The stars are all highly gussied up Divas in shiny cloth and nuclear war-ready hairdos, their colorfully robed back-up dancers swaying and prancing about in the odd, it-would-be-geeky-were-it-not-so-earnest moves which are their signature. Tupac, O iconic one, rhymes, sharp as a razor, in my earphones about "just my luck that I be fuckin' with the wrong one" while the grand dame of Mali pans out her up turned hands in front of her beseechingly, before clutching her heart and averting her trowel-caked make-up'd eyes in some inexpressible sadness. Life is strange.

Segou is unequivocably beautiful, by almost any standard, but to a degree to which anyone who had not lived in Mauritania for a time, or maybe just anyone who isn't me, couldn't really get. Even its errors are correct. (I just stole that from Nikki Giovanni, so sorry). I feel extreme jealousy of, mixed with my characteristic defensively arrogant disdain for, the Americans who live here, and who I'm convinced don't appreciate it, but that's the way it goes. It is, indeed, one of our things, (but how many of those things there are is both, the quadrillion dollar question, and, as of yet, deeply, darkly undiscovered by yours truly). Humans are cellularly, impossibly bad at imagining either the future, or other, worse presents, and so we settle into our own little slotted situations, all along the spectrum of conditions, triumphing and bitching at all our petty and profound challenges, respective to our niche, no group being, in general either happier or more miserable than others, and blocking out all visceral (not intellectual) knowledge of all the other infinite levels above and below, separated by nothing more than the skin of a bubble. It's in our blood, it seems, which is at once despair inducing and beautiful.

The trees have a lot to do with it (back to the beauty) honestly, though not everything. They line the boulevards. They are, in fact, what is meant, that little picture in your head, when you say "tree lined boulevards", tall, tall, tall, old growth crooked green-capped trunks of knotty, world-wise, slumping character. I don't know what these trees are called, though they are of course not Neem, for the most part because, (though I love you!) Neem is largely personality-less in a workmanly way. Instead these trees are magicians. It's much too easy, (apparently) and not at all new, to personify these giant, lurching boughs shading the streets, as benevolent protectors, but maybe there are worse things to do with them.

Last night I took a walk down to the Niger River- it is 2 minutes away- to watch the sun set, though it was hiding behind a giant, impromptu cloud formation the size and shape of a cropped mountain top, so...so much for that. Instead, I watched the river, which was in no uncertain terms an irridescent silver-gray which bled periwinkle blues from frayed, floating edges.

It was really lovely. Honestly, it was so beautiful that it made me uncomfortable. I seriously kept shifting positions on the cement, sun-warmed sidewalk, cross-legged, and then knees up, and then arms akimbo and all such nonsense. It seems I don't know what to do with things like that. I mean, what do you do with beauty? I don't know how to meditate -I'm not Zen (Jesus, I am so not Zen, though I can do a reasonable imitation of it) - or to even begin to quiet my mind. I can not 'take-in' peace as an entity. I can't cry (no joke) from some sort of transcendent 'joy' but even if I did, I'd probably stop again almost immediately from sheer embarassment at all the weird pathos.

So instead, I just 'gave it an hour' (meaning a few minutes) -which is one of those Hassaniyan expressions that sounds awkward when translated because of its sheer no-frills kind of accuracy, which I've grown to depend on - watching the two lone fisherman (I'm not making this up) messing with their net -tall, black, and thin sillouhettes (sp?) standing in their crescent-shaped dugout canoe like illustrations in some book you might have read before bed a long time ago.

The young men nearby, down below, took their evening baths in the river, demonstrating that interesting truth that even dirty water can make you clean(er) and I watched them while simultaneously trying to not seem like I was, until I became unavoidably conscious of being a (perhaps more than) vaguely creepy voyeur (the difference between tourist and voyeur is much, much smaller than we like to admit) and so I got up, with neither ceremony nor grace, and left them alone with their honest splish-splash.

to be continued......

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Exits

Hi everyone,

I'm in Mali. More specifically in a town called Mopti which is a busy, dirty little thing on the banks of the Niger River, so everyone get their maps out. Everything is fine, wonderful, awful, beautiful, vibrant, exhausting, exhausting and exhausting.

Besides that, I just wanted to freak everyone out a little with a security message that our County Director sent out a few days ago about an accident involving a bus, and some people, one of them being another Mauritanian Peace Corps volunteer. This is the same bus route that I will be taking to get back to Mauritania in about a week. Presumably it will neither be the same bus, nor the same driver but one can never tell.....


Hello Mauritania Volunteers and Trainees:

Please excuse the interruption. I wanted to take a moment to brief you on two issues that may be circulating in the general PCV discussion forums:

First off, as many of you may know, a Mauritania Peace Corps Volunteer was attacked (.......blah blah blah, this is something else......)

Secondly, early this morning at approximately 04h00 a bus traveling from Bamako to Nouakchott was involved in a serious accident 15 kilometers West of Kiffa. The driver reportedly fell asleep at the wheel and the bus rolled off of the road. One Mauritania PCV was traveling on the bus at the time. I am grateful to be able to report to you that the PCV was not seriously injured and is doing fine. Sadly, three Malian citizens were killed in the crash and 10 others were seriously injured. The Mauritanian national information service published an article on their website (see attached).

So anyway, there is that. This will almost probably most likely maybe not happen again, but if I die in a horrible crash, just know that it was worth it, and I love you! (and at the time I was probably really hot, tired and uncomfortable anyway, so it was almost surely an improvement).

-Coltie

Monday, June 30, 2008

the superiority of the unseen to the seen

I keep trying to write short entries more often, but apparently that’s not in the stars.

Mauritanians are neurotically messed about color, and no doubt.

Not that there is anything new -either here or in the rest of the world- about that, but I wanted to mention it. One (namely me) could draw some vague parallels between Mauritanian and American societies, or I suppose any other society that had an extended period in the past of enslavement by one group of another, and in which those classes continue to live together today, working and interacting together constantly in ways that are weighed down, or at least influenced, consciously or unconsciously by all their fucked up past shit.

Anyway, Mauritania is a racist society, to varying but mostly significant degrees, with a lot of it being perpetuated by so called “white Moors” (who are not white) though of course not all.

The Haratiin or black Moors are composed, ethnically, of various black African tribes (one might guess that these are those which are located geographically in the region even today, like Fula, Bambara, Wolof, Malinke and peeps like that, but I’m not an expert), which were captured and enslaved during the previous millenia by Moorish and Berber tribes across the Sahel. Don’t ask me how this happened, because I tend to think of Moors, probably to fallacious excess, as nonviolent, all-bark-and-no-bite pansies, who come to me complaining about paper cuts and couldn’t manage a successful takeover of Vermont, but surely those were different times.

So modern day Haratiin are Moor in basically every way- culture, language, habits, dress- differing only in skin color.(There does exist a spectrum of colors among black Moors, but commonly people are grouped into either: ekHal, which means "black", or aHmar, which actually means “red”, but also “brown” in some instances. And also “purple”. And “pink”.) I used to think that they were nicer, or at least a little easier to get close to than WMs but I no longer think that. They may be slightly more open and less uptight than WMs, taken in general, but this really depends on the degree to which they retain an influence from black Africa, which varies a lot.

Also, BMs can be easier for me to get interested in work and projects in the gardens because they actually have gardens and do work. In a lot of Arabic-derived societies like this, manual labor is commonly looked down upon, and sure enough many WM’s are lazy to the upteenth, because they can be. Those who have money leave the manual stuff to the BMs. In fact, my friend Dahan the other day was telling me about how the ideal, though not always attainable, is for women to actually do nothing at all but sit under the tent and make two (one ingredient) meals per day, make tea, stuff themselves until they become (sexy) bloated barges, and sleep. This is common, which, first, is like, “gag me”, and also really sad. But I’m not judging. Ha ha.

Anyway, BMs (omigod, I just realized what an awful abbreviation that was –sorry) often don’t have the option of not doing stuff because they are lower class, poorer and powerless-ish, so they do manual labor with me and everything’s great.

OK, I wasn’t going to talk about “The life and times of race relations in Mauritania”, I just wanted to talk about skin lightening creams. Yes, skin lightening creams, which you can find anywhere here and which are widely used. These are little tubs of cream which are purported to, not surprisingly, lighten one’s skin color, using a mixture of harsh chemicals which maybe include hydrogen-peroxide? and blah blah, other stuff. (What am I, a chemist?) I clearly have no experience with this junk, though I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that there is a small percentage of Americans using them. Also, I think it’s a thing in some Asian countries, maybe India, and probably anywhere else in the world where there are people with color who are trying to achieve some kind of Casper-like ideal. Anyway, I’m just talking about Mauritania.

This is a woman thing, right across the board too -white Moors, black Moors, black Africans- and these creams are basically horrible, abrasive things to put on your skin, that bleach out or destroy pigment, obviously. Black women come out looking all rosy and roughed-up, like they just went crazy with a Brillo pad, and white Moors end up looking like the scary pale victims of vampires. Neither one looks either attractive nor anywhere close to normal, and every time I see this I get heartbroken and angry and sorry and other things.

I once saw a container of one particular brand of cream, and it had two pictures of an Indian-esque woman, one where she was dark and frowning heavily, and the other one, taken presumably after she had slathered herself with this lotion, where she was fair and smiley. So, really subtle messages coming through.

In El Qidiya, this isn’t such a giant issue simply because it is incredibly isolated and these products are not even available to be purchased in the boutiques, even if most people had the money to buy them with, which they don’t. Furthermore (honestly) El Q is hardly the fashion forefront of Mauritania, so there is not so much concern about image. It's more like Appalachia to Nouakchott’s NYC. Although that analogy is almost heart-stoppingly weak, so I’ll say Albany.

Nevertheless, people have still imbibed this notion that being black, or at least really black, is bad, and women often ask me if I can give them something to ‘take the black off’. This is actually what they say (in Hassaniya of course) and though I sometimes try to argue with them a little, I mostly realize that there is no way I could alter any of their received ideas about color, even if it was any of my business, and I usually try to change the subject as quickly as possible, because it makes me feel skeevy. It’s embarrassing, I mean, I’m embarrassed for them, because while they religiously cover every square centimeter of their bodies with layers of fabric, they are simultaneously revealing to me something even more personal: a pathology.

People also ask me if I have some kind of special soap, which will make them really ‘clean’ (masguul) –which I think is a rather thin euphemism, and I’m like, “Girl, I use the same crap you do, and it comes in brick-sized blocks for 200 ougiya. Get a grip”.

Occasionally, this works in my favor like when people are bugging me about marriage (always), and someone else will come in and say “Oh, he doesn’t want to marry in El Qidiya, he’s waiting to go back to America and marry an American (read: white) girl”, and I think, uh…right, that’s why.

I don’t mean to overdramatize this: Mauritanians are hardly the first group to do messed up shit to their bodies in the name of “beauty”. So while I think it’s an important and interestingly dysfunctional feature of the culture -which, though sad, is a rather logical outgrowth of having a slave legacy and a lighter-complexioned group in power- its not like people are killing themselves left and right over this or living miserable lives. They’re not, of course. So it’s a small, if intriguing, symptom of a much larger, nuanced and contradictory condition, but if you think I’m going to talk about all that here, you’ve lost your mind.

Another interesting thing: while everyone makes a big deal over me not being Muslim (it’s a really big deal. It’s the deal), that doesn’t prevent them from creating their own little hierarchies of worth, even within the Muslim framework: WMs unsurprisingly hold themselves above BMs and black Africans, but even worse, BMs hold themselves above black Africans too (also Muslim) who are referred to collectively as li-kwar, and are, in truth, basically their distant cousins. It’s fucked, although, hardly unexpected or even unnatural, considering how humans have always acted towards other humans (you’re not in my group, I’ll cut you.) We will, if not always then at least a lot of the time, find ways to follow our biological imperative and divide ourselves into little groups, even inside of bigger ones like nation, religion, race, language. I mean, I’m doing it right now. So of course we all do it, Westerners are, or at the very least were, clearly just as culpable as everyone else. Though this excuses nothing.

The other day in Tijikja (Okay, this was like 6 months ago) I went into a WM shop to buy carrot seeds and the old man said, “OK you should continue to come here, don’t buy from those shops”. He gestured across the way. I said “What’s wrong with those shops?”, to which he replied, “They’re Haratiin shops.” And then I asked, “What’s the difference between you and the Haratiin?” And he said simply, “Oh. One is good, and the other is bad.” Guess which one is which.

In El Q, people will also tell me that I shouldn’t spend so much time with BMs (with whom I actually do spend most of my time) and when I ask why, they hold out their forearm and point to it, saying, “This.” They mean skin color. “This is better than black. Black is bad.” It sounds like I’m simplifying these statements, but this is truly as complex as their arguments are. And then when I get fed up with their crap, I’ll sometimes hold out my own arm and say, “ Oh, okay. But you’re darker than me. That means I’m better than you, right?” And then someone will chuckle nervously or get flustered and tell me that I don’t understand.

Okay, okay. But maybe I do.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

There is always a shortage of things

Hi weirdos,

For today we have a couple of poems, or things which resemble them. Tomorrow maybe something else. I have many pictures to post, in addition, but at least most of them will have to wait until I get to Nouakchott and have a connection that will handle more than a kilobyte or two every hour.

Number one is about the weather....or maybe other things. Number two isn't really a poem but sort of a stream of consciousness ( even though I hate that phrase) musing. I hope its doesn't sound too poetry slam or something but oh well.

-Yours

Number 1

There is no thunder when you come
There is only the silence of white lightning.
There is only the wind from the west
and the eastern ash.

You are beloved by us
(even your rages)

You are beloved,
(but you seem ungrateful).

You are… a beloved green envelope of grace,
(left to be mailed
on a countertop,
left by the frenzy of hot hazes in the hurry of
their preoccupied departure),
which everyone anticipates receiving like a birthday check.

It’s set up, propped up, on a salt shaker.
It leans, blank-posed and unashamed,
a paper island on the glossy expanse,
its neat, frank lettering in capitals intones:

ITS TIME

Ugh, you are so good at
"setting to right", at
"starting anew", at
flooding our lazy wounds with the austere, clear water of good sense.

How do you do that? You must have had practice.

And while everyone longs for you, dream-like, like a good dinner,
I can’t help but fear for my collapsed house, and for
what you might find inside with your blunt, bright eyes.

I know its petty, beloved, but, your
wide gazes, pitiless as lasers-
(that is -less about seeing than looking),
what might they discover under the old, crusted dust of decay?

Oh damn.

If you dissolve the habits,
if you crack the habits, the hubris, my aloofness,
how will I ever make good again?
(Do you care? You don’t care.)

You are beloved by us,
(but there’s this):

though you cool,
you also corrupt.
Though you move soothingly,
you also rupture things which are none of your business.
You know? Beloved?
How will I ever make good again?

I suppose the best solutions make new problems,
while correcting the old,
containing the cause of their own reincarnation,
-aggressively running in circles and galloping,
heedless and fortunate, slipping the trail and
enamored with chasing the tale of the past-

I’m tired of looking at skies with anxiety.

I say: screw the green things! Screw those…things.
Let them turn towards sick turquoise and sea-foam,
let those screaming, antique yellows and
brittle, blonde whites,
-weak and flaked as apologies-,
go to hell.

Hell, I’m tired.

Plump my pillows, pussycat – I want to dream.

Dreamgirl? Beloved? Be a good kitty.
Don’t punch - just, like.. pitter.
Don’t grumble, just flatter me with liquid.

I’ll let you come.
I said, come down here.
Come on in, wise guy, but shyly, remember.
No funny business. No flames. I mean this.
I’m hot enough for the two of us.
I needa keep cool.
Hey-
Bring me something cool to drink.
I think that’s enough.


Number 2

lying prostrate on brightly colored floor mats
patterned in squares,
blowing smoke towards the palm-branch ceiling,
thinking about thinking about the nature of reality (really?, please)
trying to come to elusive epiphany,
to decipher the intellect of Bertrand Russel,
brown lizards scale the walls, nicotine floods veins but improves nothing,
a goat screams person-like, for her lost, irresponsible children
across the barrier of a stone wall (no ivy),
the hot wind, the low hum of voices carrying,
the ingratiating, ecstatic throb of flies,
the embarrassed rattle of paper pages fluttering,
a child with a snot-nose,
and the most adorable eyes,
perched in the doorway playing with a length of wire
(don’t touch that!)
fatigue, fatigue.

Minetou walks on Mbarka’s back,
the sickening slurp of cous-cous munching in repose,
too-sweet tea, (where’s the mint?)
blank stares, curious stares,
antipathetic stares across impassable voids,
veiled mouths, wrinkled mouths,
wrinkled, dirty lengths of unwashed cloth billowing,
beautiful, beautiful lips, regal, unaware, ignorant cheeks.
the deceit of faces.
flies burrowing in my eyebrows.

trapped, an inability to go either forward or backward, big needs
thwarted by laziness, by an inferior constitution,
brown soap cakes, thin sandals from China,
molded into the shape of tired feet,
scrawled words in margins in another language,
once alien, but now only feels like a provincial past.
no self pity. so much self pity.
unintentional, or intentional, oblivious rudeness.
(keep pushing, keep fucking pushing and just see what happens!)
walking in sucking sand,
tripping on rocks which blurt out sharp edges to
slice the ends of toes, just to be noticed
just to make the blood flow more freely.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

love-wrought

Hi Pals,

How's things? I just wanted to update everyone who is not "in the know", that I have left El Qidiya for good, so I will now remain more or less perpetually contactable ( a word?) to those who might wish to do so (hint hint) Anyway, leaving made me neither sad nor happy, but just irritatingly regretful about all the things I should have, maybe could have, done but didn't. Oh well, that's a long story. I mean, Mauritania(n brousse) is no picnic, but then again, on picnics, ants get all over your food, and who wants that?

Right now I'm in Tijikja for the next week or so, before I go on a trip to Mali for two weeks - to, you know, see what that's like. I will of course post on it when it's over, assuming I still have the use of my digits, although it bears noting that I still haven't finished writing my giant leviathan of a post about my trip to Guinea last year, so that's slightly depressing. I promise I will finish someday, but keep in line about it.

After I come back from Mali, I'm moving to Nouakchott until the middle of December to finish rewriting the Hassaniyan Arabic dictionary, for Peace Corps, and that is sure to be an intricately detailed nightmare, so lots of fun in store.

Okay, there are many things I would like to post, and there is even a remote chance that I will actually do that, now that I have extended contact with computers, so stay tuned.

Be well

-Colton